Smeh je pol zdravja - za drugo polovico poskrbimo tukaj

OK, ker je ravno SW tematika: (čeprav morajo nekateri večkrat na glas prebrati, da slišijo v čem je vic)

Luke Skywalker brings Darth Vader a Christmas present. Vader turns and says: "Luke, *asthmatic breathing*, I sensed your presents!"

(Žal se ne da prevesti, ker potem izgine celotna fora)

hahhaha xD

da vidm če mam še jst kakiga...

- Moža že tri dni ni nazaj, izginil je. Poiščite mi ga.
- Ima kakšne posebne znake ?
- Imel jih bo, ko ga dobim.


Ata teka po dvorišču sem ter tja, pa vpraša Janezek mamo:
- Zakaj pa teka oče cik-cak ?
Pa odvrne mama:
- Tiho bodi in mi podajaj municijo !"


Dve blondinki se pogovarjata v zaporu.
Prva reče: "Danes ponoči bom pobegnila!"
"Kako boš pa pobegnila?" vpraša druga.
Prva reče: "Splezala bom čez ograjo!
Potem se poslovita druga od druge.
Nasledni dan se spet srečata v zaporu.
Druga reče: "Kaj nisi pobegnila iz zapora!?"
Prva pa reče: "Ne, ker so mi ograjo podrli.

Q: What goes, "Ha, ha, ha, haaaa.... AGGGHHHH! Thump"?
A: An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.

Q: Who tries to be a Jedi?
A: Obi-Wannabe

Q: Which Star Wars character works at a restaurant?
A: Darth Waiter

Yoda and Obi-Wan walked into a bar and bought a 5 dollar drink.
Yoda, seeing that he only had 4 dollars asked Obi-Wan, "Have a dollar do you? A little short I am."

Lol Rahu, tehle pa še nisem slišal

Najnovejši Chuck Norris joke kar sem jih slišal (ok, mogoče je da je star, pravim samo da sem tega nazadnje slišal):

Chuck Norris doesn't masturbate. HE RAPES HIS HAND!

Google najde marsikaj.

Indeed. Še posebej na tone nepotrebnih in malo- oz. popolnoma nerelevantnih podatkov

http://furiousfanboys.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/star-wars-darth-vader-sense.jpg

http://www.thefunnyblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/meet-luke-skywalker-darth-vader-funny-blog.jpg

http://www.maniacworld.com/star_wars_jokes/funny-Yoda-joke-picture.jpg

Legenda, sploh zadnja. Prvo pa poznam že od prej, vključno z večino demotivatorjev.

Top 25 Lines in Star Wars that Can Be Improved by Substituting the word "Pants"

1. A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
2. You are unwise to lower your pants.
3. We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
4. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
5. These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
6. I find your lack of pants disturbing.
7. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
8. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
9. General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.
10. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
11. TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?
12. Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
13. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
14. You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
15. Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.
16. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
17. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
18. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
19. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
20. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one. Your sister!
21. Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
22. Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
23. Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before more troops arrive.
24. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
25. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.


You Might be a Redneck Jedi If ...:

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya'll."
* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of beer.
* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
* Wookies are offended by your B.O.
* You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.
* You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side... it'll be a hoot."
* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
* You have a Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.
* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
* You were the only one drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.
* Your business cards read "Billy Bob, Jedi Master".
* Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that reads "My other fighter is an X-wing".
* You know Ewoks squeal like pigs.
* You use your R-2 unit as a beer coaster.
* When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.
* Your land-speeder had a light saber rack.
* Your land-speeder has a bumper sticker that reads "Protected by Smith & Wesson Light Sabers"
* If you hear ... "(Your name), I am your father ... AND your uncle!"


The TRUE ending to "the Empire Strikes Back":
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!


Why did the chicken cross the road?
Chewie: The chicken was thinking with its stomach.
Imperial Officer: The chicken obviously saw a rebel base on the other side.
Obi-Wan: I'll give that chicken 2,000 now, plus 15 when it reaches the other side.
Mon Mothma: We just found out that the chicken crossed the road. Many bothoms died to bring us this information.
Lando: The chicken will cross the road! We've got to give him more time!
Luke: The chicken crossed the road? That's not true!!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!


Še ena različica kokošjih
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Darth Vader: Because it could not resist the power of the Dark Side!
Han Solo: Hurry up, Colonel Sanders, or you're gonna be a permenant resident!
Yoda: Crossing the road makes not a chicken great.
Luke: Crossing the road is one thing, this is....totally different.
Threepio: I am fluent in over six million forms of crossing the road.
Bobba Fett: What if the chicken doesn't survive? He's worth a lot to me!
Bib: Die chicken wanga?
Admiral Ackbar: All chickens - prepare to cross the road on my mark
Emperor Palpitine: Young fool. Only now, after getting hit by a car do you understand.

Why Star Wars is better than Titanic:
* Titanic had DiCaprio in it.
* Titanic's big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
* Star Wars has WAY cooler action figure potential.
* Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
* Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
* Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
* When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
* It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
* Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters. Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
o Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
* We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and blows up planets for fun.
* Leo can't dance OR fly an X-wing.
* People have not lost their lives trying to re-create scenes from Star Wars on the bow of a cruise liner.
* Rose braves icy water to rescue her man. Leia braves Jabba the Hut.
* Two names: John Williams and George Lucas.
* There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.
* Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "kings of the world"?
* If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking ship, he would use the Force to get the key.
* "I'd rather be his whore than your wife" just doesn't have the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."
* Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament. Leo simply freezes.
* We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke... I am your father"?
* Han Solo would've missed the iceberg!
* Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters; everyone in Titanic was a minor character.
* When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by half of planet earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of himself at the Oscars.
* Titanic morals:
o 1) gamble
o 2) cheat on your husband
o 3) pose nude for pictures
o 4) premarital sex is OK if you're infatuated
o 5) let undesirables drown.
* Star Wars morals:
o 1) fight evil
o 2) do good
o 3) respect all life even if it's ugly and slithers
o 4) rescue princess
o 5) save planet.


Sexually Tilted Lines Star Wars

o A New Hope
* 'She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid.'
* 'Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!'
* 'Look at the size of that thing!'
* 'Sorry about the mess...'
* 'You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought.'
* 'Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?'
* 'You've got something jammed in here real good.'
* 'Put that thing away before you get us all killed!'
* 'Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?'
* 'Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!'
o The Empire Strikes Back
* "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."
* "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
* "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
* "But now we must eat. come, good food, come..."
* "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
* "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
* "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
* "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
* "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
* "Control, control! You must learn control!"
o Return of the Jedi
* "We have orders to give it only to Jabba."
* C3PO: "What could possibly have come over Master Luke? Is it something I did? He never expressed any unhappiness with my work."
* Han :"Hey, point that thing someplace else."
* Emperor: "I look forward to completing your training. I time you will call me master."
* Leia: "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?"
* C3PO: "I never knew I had it in me."
* Lando: "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab."
* Luke: "There is good in him, I've felt it."
* C3PO: "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit."
* Jerjerrod: "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can.
Darth Vader "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them."
* Han :"Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping -- hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!"
Lando: "A little higher, just a little higher."
* Han: "Short help's better than no help at all."
* Han: "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me -- now I owe you one."
* Han: "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
o The Phantom Menace
* Darth Maul: At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi.
* Jarr-Jarr: Oo! Icky icky goo!
* Battle Droid: Roger Roger!
* Obi-wan: You were right about one thing, master, the negotiations were short.
* Yoda: How feel you?
* Qui-Gon: Get down!


-yo moma is so fat jaba the hutt said DAAM!!!

-A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the
presence of my old master.

- yo moma is so stupid that she kept saying are not to R2

-Q: How many stormtroopers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
A: Two; one to screw the bulb in, the other to shoot him and take the credit

-Q: Why did Yoda cross the road?
A: Because the chickens "Force"d him to

-Q: What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?
A: Chewie!

-Luke and Ben are in a Chinise restaurant and Luke's having trouble.
Finally, Ben says, "Use the forks, Luke."